I’m sorry that you were discouraged the same way that you discouraged me from writing…
Same feelings here, I am just here to write not to write beautifully. i’m just expressing my thoughts which are usually incoherent. i don’t review my entries because it makes me feel dishonest with myself.
Still can’t forget it, you said that my writing is ugly and it’s only in my head that I think that it is nice… Well guess what I am not trying for it to be nice, I’m using this as an outlet for my otherwise dangerous emotions inside me.
If you would see my older journals most are about my rants on how stupid life could be. If it wasn’t for writing, I might have been worse than I am now…
You give constructive criticisms and I always take steps in trying to improve myself and here I am with one honest tip and all you think is that I am constraining you. I hate it when you are “always right” and I’m not sure how long I could go on with me always being the first one to say sorry.
Have you even notice how I just stay silent whenever you get mad? Have you ever wondered what would happen if all those times i’ve been silent would just accumulate and then just come out in one big burst? I know you can’t take it. Lucky for you that you’ve never seen me really mad… After all these years you really never saw me get so mad.
I get scared with what happens inside of me whenever I can’t get out this rage inside me but I don’t know which is worse : bottling it in or getting it all out.
You know how I operate, I just sit here hidden in the shadows, waiting for you to brave the dark to see what I really am. I prefer to be in the dark not because i am afraid of the light but because the glare of the light hides what I think and feel as essential and true.
The darkness hides what are you on the outside but it lets me see beyond that. There is no need to see what you put on because it’s useless in the dark. There is no need to hide anything in the dark because everything is already hidden there. The only way to be noticed in the dark is to embrace the truth that it brings, unaltered by what can be seen on the outside.
I don’t like shedding my own light and like the shadow being casted by the light, I am there, unnoticed and even sometimes invisible. You may not notice it but I am there connected to you and maybe being wanted to be noticed. A shadow never makes the first move, it always waits for that moment to be noticed that you are actually connected and that it never left your side. It’s always there just watching and waiting.
I like to stay hidden, away from the superficial and the banal. I believe that there is more to what you show to people and I am ready to embrace that truth in you. I want to hold that thing that you don’t show to others so that I’ll feel more connected and perhaps more special. I’m not asking for your secrets, I am just asking for honesty with yourself.
(Disclaimer: This might sound weird for those who know me as someone who puts on a happy face most of the time. I am guilty of doing that but never in front of the people whom I had shown my darkness. They too had shown me their own darkness and this is why I am being honest with them. Perhaps putting up that happy face is just one part of my darkest personality.)
Up all night to draw Loki… Just kidding, did this in under an hour and a half.
The picture speaks for itself…
I just enjoyed reading these three books about Batman. I love these books since It’s not the usual Batman vs Insane Costumed Criminals. It’s Batman vs the gangster families that have terrorized his home city since his childhood days.
I have read Batman : Year One and these three books could have picked up where had it left. It’s about Batman slowly getting rid of his city with crime and slowly living up to the promise he made at his parent’s grave. I really enjoyed seeing a more unrefined Batman unlike the legend that we know who always get thongs done perfectly.
Jeph Loeb did a good job of writing this stories since I like seeing how he solve crimes with pure detective work and not just using his computer unlike most modern adaptations would do. I also like how he plays it rougher against his enemies but still compassionate enough not to become as crazy as the people he fights.
When it comes to the art, I love how dark and limited the colors that Tim Sale used to convey more emotions in the panels. It’s how I think Batman should be, just dark to make you think and do your own detective work.
To sum it up, this is how close Batman could get to being real. A more human Batman who makes everyone feel that standing up for what is rig makes you a hero.
I just read my old posts from this blog and I would say that in the past two years that I’ve been maintaining this blog, little has changed in me. I still use writing as a form of release for all the things that I keep to myself. This has been my avenue for saying the things that most people would find boring or confusing.
I’ve been keeping a blog since 2006 but I’ve decided to move platforms in 2011 because of certain things. I’m just happy that whenever I look back at some sad or bad posts, I was able to survive them and move on with my life.
Yes I’ll keep on broadcasting my thoughts here so that someday I have something to look back to and see how much I’ve grown and changed.